Experts in such things say we should talk less and listen more. The

primary benefit to listening is that one becomes better informed. It’s

a key to learning as opposed to talking which is reciting what you

already know, or at least, think you know. A side benefit to active

listening is that it infers a degree of competence even in cases where

one’s competence is a few fish short of a limit so to speak. Whatever

the case, it’s sound advice.

It seems we need all the advice we can get on communication nowadays as

political polarization has stifled public discourse. We’ve drawn lines

in the sand that go beyond “Let’s agree to disagree” as it once was. I

know it once was because I was there. It wasn’t that long ago when

friends and neighbors discussed tax structures, social issues, and

government spending over coffee or beers and they did it with both

conviction and smiles. It was good.

To review Civility #101, it’s okay to begin a conversation by offering

an opinion on a particular problem. Your counterpart may even agree that

your concern is their concern. Now, allow him/her to answer back with

their opinion. Take note of the differences and similarities. Offer

facts, experiences, history and expert information where it applies. Be

nice. Think. It’s possible your counterpart is right. It’s possible you

may come to respect your counterparts opinion even if you don’t agree.

Talk-listen-question-talk-listen-question. It’s how problem-solving and

conversation work. It’s taught in kindergarten – not that tough actually.

I would offer another small twist in effective conversation in that one

should keep opening comments not only short, but to one sentence only.

I’ve been in and around statements that would have prospered had the

messenger stopped after their first sentence to elicit a response before

going on to a second. Following are a few examples.

· “We had a beautiful pileated woodpecker pecking on the birch tree

alongside our deck this morning! I got it on the second shot.”

· “That was a delicious supper! What kind of meat was that?”

· “You do a nice job of writing. Especially considering your

background.”

· “I caught a limit of walleyes last night! By the way, what is the

limit?”

· “That’s a good-looking team you have Coach. Don’t worry, they’ll

get better.”

· “We need more love in the world if we expect to get along with

each other. Those nut jobs in the other party sure make it difficult.”

· “A reporter talking immigration to a woman on the street: “If

Jesus were here should He be let into our country?” Answer: “Yes! As

long as He came here legally.”

· “Nice haircut! Did you cut it yourself?”

· “A wonderful little basketball player you have! Your grandson?”

(son)

· “Bingo! Aaah, was that B7 or B17?”

· “This article on conversation will work sweetheart. Couldn’t come

up with a real one huh?”

If there is to be a moral to the story, which of course there must be,

it is, “In conversation or writing, if you can’t keep it real, keep it

short.”

Leo is retired and lives in rural Cook with his wife, Lindy. He is the

author of three books, She Won’t Mow the Daisies, The Cabin Experience,

and Live Over Easy. Leo can be contacted by email at: llwilenius@gmail.com.